ReelChange Blog

It’s hard to write up a picture like Snakes on a Plane this late in the game, after it has had more ink spilled on it than almost anything else of the summer, but I’ve got a thing or two to say on the subject and, hell, Slate keeps letting an idiot like Dana Stevens file reviews. Let’s start with a few thoughts on the hype:

The mainstream entertainment press jumped on board the mostly Internet-fueled hype, without really seeming to get why except for knowing it was the “cool” thing to do. In a lot of ways I’d describe the hype on SoaP with that hoary old Louis Armstrong quote about jazz: “If you have to ask, you’ll never know.” I’ve never really been at more of a loss for words than when I tried to quantify my reasons for looking forward to the picture. It seems that both sides of the divide agree on the general facts: The concept is bad and the title is worse. Where the discord happens is in the tone with which one states these facts. To resort to another well-worn phrase: if you’re going to say it, you best smile when you do.

Much has been made of the film’s title, and how it’s such a bad, attention-getting, concentrated hype serum. This begs the question what, if not hype, is a title for? To me and a great many out there, Snakes on a Plane was such a great title not because it was funny or ironically lame or whatever, but because, like Armstrong’s jazz, the second one hears the title one gets it or one doesn’t. On the other hand, little to nothing has been made of the frankly much worse title and film My Super Ex-Girlfriend. This might be an interesting subject for someone else to look at more closely.

A title is just the first shred of hype a movie can build, and there isn’t a single film that I’m aware of that is above it. Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Singin’ in the Rain, The Wizard of Gore, Raiders of the Lost Ark are all great titles and do better than any trailer could in hyping a picture for its audience without ruining anything. Rarely would one who would likely refuse to appreciate the genius of a film like Texas Chain Saw be willing to even cross the threshold of a theater with those hallowed words on the marquee above their heads. The same should hold true for the incantation of Snakes on a Plane.

As for the film itself, it’s everything that one could expect without a single instant of attempting to achieve more — nor would I want it to. The tone is just about perfect. Pitched slightly higher than your typical Sci Fi Original creature movie, with an imbecilic slickness that tickles a genre and straight-to-video fan like me. The picture opens with a guy the looks like a 90210 overaged extra who may or may not be an heir to the Wahlberg fortunes tearing ass on his extreme neon green dirt bike and then taking a break for a well-earned Red Bull. This is what passes for character-driven story telling in the world of Snakes on a Plane.

What follows is some of the most gleefully shameless expository character introductions ever seen since Irwin Allen went off to join that star-studded cast of thousands in the sky. Format-wise, in some strange way, Snakes on a Plane owes more to Allen’s classic disaster films than this summer’s earlier Poseidon. As a matter of full disclosure, I’ve never been much for Airplane’s brand of parody, but SoaP is satire flavored just to my liking. To me, a good satire needs to be just straight-faced enough that the most obtuse audience members could actually miss the joke.

Is this to say Snakes is perfect? Of course not. To my way of thinking, SoaP’s biggest shortcoming was passing up a perfect chance to cast virtually any intriguing celebrity in the three-line role of the snake supplier. The shoot out that serves as his character introduction was so careful to obscure his face that the final reveal of a no-name actor was far too anti-climatic. Here is my list of actors, in guessed order of cost, who would have made for a great unbilled cameo appearance:

• Brad Pitt — Unlikely, but a reprise of his Kalifornia persona would have sent even the rowdiest crowds into fits.
• Peter Fonda — Already a little ophidian, his history and aura would have made for a smart appearance.
• Peter Stormare — Also has a bit of a snakey vibe, and can anyone really think of something that Stormare has done that didn’t make the work better?
• Horatio Sanz — He taught Keenan Thompson (who has more than a few good moments in SoaP) just about everything he needed to know to shake off “All That.” It’s the least they could offer him.
• Danny Trejo — If I were buying a poisonous snake assortment for reasons of midair terror and my dealer didn’t look like Danny Trejo, I’d feel like I wasn’t getting the whole experience.

As far as performances, Sam Jackson does just what got him rich, with the glee of a man who understands how to do an impression of himself better than Nicholson in Witches of Eastwick. David Koechner has more than a few great line readings that show he really deserves better than fifth banana roles in Frat Pack lamers. On the other hand, the big surprise in SoaP is Todd Louiso doing his best Richard Dreyfus in Jaws impression without making a single reference to Belle and Sebastian or John Coltrane.

In review, Snakes on a Plane delivered everything that it promised with little to no reason to complain. It ranks about third or so in good times I’ve had at the theater all summer, and who can hate on that?